Anger: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As a child I was taught that anger was a bad emotion but I’ve have since come to understand that there are no bad feelings. All emotions have purpose and value as they teach us about ourselves based on how we react to external events. We assign value to each depending on how people act them out. If someone feels angry and reacts by screaming or hitting someone, it is pretty well agreed upon that that’s bad. Hence the feeling behind the behavior is labeled likewise. Keep in mind that it’s imperative to always separate the feeling from the behavior. The emotion may be appropriate to the situation but the actions that follow may not be.

GOOD ANGER: Anger is a necessary part of our existence as it alerts us to the fact that something is wrong or in need of our attention. For example, if I’m constantly annoyed at my husband, my anger may signify that I have too many expectations of him and am not accommodating enough of our differences. Becoming more aware of my arrogance and consciously changing my thoughts about him enable me to move beyond anger to a place of loving acceptance. My anger ultimately proves to be a blessing as the peace I now acquire not only benefits me but my husband as well.

We may also experience anger when we witness an injustice is occurring. Without becoming upset or irate, how would we know that we need to take action to correct it? In this regard, laws have been created by man to protect the innocent and create a fair and equitable society for everyone.
And in the event we feel threatened or unsafe, whether physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, etc, anger prepares us for the vital fight or flight response. We either stay to correct a wrongdoing or we flee in order to keep ourselves safe.

BAD ANGER: Anger becomes problematic when it is mishandled, misdirected (at those who are undeserving) or the result of a misconception.
A popular song, Lost Boy, is one of my new top five favorites. I recently listened to it on Youtube and much to my surprise discovered that it’s performed by a lovely dark skinned young woman. I had envisioned a 14 year old Caucasian girl with a short pixie haircut. I mentioned to a friend of mine how surprised I was. “She didn’t sound black”, I stated. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, clearly disturbed by my comment. “Just how are blacks supposed to sound?” She was clearly irate. “Some black singers have a very distinct kind of twang (for lack of a better descriptive term) to their voice”, I responded, “much like a Southerner might or an Aussie from down under, a Hispanic sporting a Spanish accent, and so on. Each has a unique sound to their voice that gives insight into their heritage or where they’re from.”

In this instance, my friend clearly had unresolved issues with racism, insecurity, poor self-image or some such issue. Her reaction indicated that she was not comfortable with my comment and perceived it to be derogatory. Such a perception led her to respond with anger. When one takes personal offense to what others are saying or doing or misinterprets anothers innocent actions as hostile, their anger reveals a deeper rooted issue that is causing distress to themselves. However, with serious introspection, one can determine the root cause of their indignation and thus seek an effective solution through understanding and healing.

Anger can be detrimental to our physical health as explosive or long-term anger can cause the body’s natural immune system to break down making one more susceptible to a range of diseases from high blood pressure to ulcers, cancer and more. There are also times when we use anger against ourselves, when we are so upset we may deny ourselves the chance to be happy or to take advantage of a wonderful new opportunity; to laugh or find joy in the moment or to fully express or receive love. Anger can damage our outlook on life, impede our emotional well-being, and rob us of our overall sense of enjoyment in life.

UGLY ANGER: Anger at its worst becomes ugly when it is used to hurt or offend others or cause any type of damage to a person or object. Criticism, belittling, embarrassing, ignoring, and gossiping are all expressions of anger at its worst. Acts of racism, physical violence, hate speech, betrayals are all violent forms of anger being expressed with the sole purpose of causing extreme pain or hardship to another. Intimidation, manipulation, threats and coercion all seek to gain control over another party through the use of force. Damage to nature or personal property through acts of rioting and looting or individual acts of rage are all reminders of just how ugly anger can become when it’s intent is to harm rather than to foster positive change.

To summarize: anger is neither a bad emotion nor a good one. It’s simply a messenger. When we are able to understand why we react in anger as opposed to another feeling, we can uncover the root cause of our issues, resolve them and ultimately channel our actions into creating positive change that benefits not only the self but those around us as well. Use anger to your advantage. Much good can come from doing so.
Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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Heart Math…Who Knew?

livelove

Rumi, 13th-century Persian poet, and Sufi mystic said that “Only from the heart can you touch the sky.” and science is proving this to be true in more ways than one. Not only does the heart keep us physically alive but studies show the heart truly is a love center as well. The website www.heartmath.com has a multitude of information on this fascinating topic. Acts of kindness for instance keep the heart exercised as much as any aerobic workout. Simple acts of altruism help others and also the have the added bonus of strengthening our own hearts.
Another interesting fact is that the heart rhythm pattern of a person that is frustrated is dramatically different from one taken when a person is in appreciation with the appreciation pattern being much healthier.
Tuesday, 7/26 7:00 PM Eastern on The Night Shift I am going to be talking about Heart Math and the positive benefits of heart breathing and other tips to keep your heart working at its best.
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10 Tips to Diffuse a Volatile Situation

We are living in a very volatile and dangerous age. Not only have issues of domestic violence, child and animal abuse, anger in the workplace and so on been more apparent, but we are definitely witnessing a rise of violence within our communities. Gangs and individual assaults seem to be taking a back seat to protests by militant groups claiming to seek justice but who in actuality are promoting and engaging in acts of violence themselves. What could be a peaceful gathering intent on seeking a reasonable solution to a problem escalates to one of violence and often bloodshed. Angry and passionate individuals determined to right an injustice only create further mayhem by advocating and engaging in the very acts they condemn.
But is it possible for large masses of angry individuals to successfully , reasonable, and peacefully find solutions to perceived issues of extreme injustice? Yes, if both sides follow these ten recommended tips:

1. Approach other party(s) in a non hostile non aggressive way. By taking a non threatening approach the other party feels relatively confident that they are not at risk physically or otherwise and therefore the need for a defensive response is unnecessary.
2. Be open minded and fair in the way you present your grievances. Refrain from using such phrases as “you always”, “we never” “it can’t”. In each case, one assumes a scenario that is not necessarily true, appears extreme and unrealistic, and creates a mindset of preconceived defeat.
3. Be respectful in the way you speak to and treat one another. Passion need not translate into disrespectful or degrading conduct towards the disagreeing party. Always be mindful that the amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct proportion to the amount of respect you afford them. So be generous.
4. Deal with facts, not simply feelings. Too often we rant about how angry or hurt or offended we are. Dealing with facts enables us to more accurately see the true nature of the incident. Adding feelings to the dialogue lends a deeper level of understanding as to how the incident is impacting both sides.
5. Keep everything in the proper perspective. Exaggerating may add an element of drama but is only effective on stage. Deal with the serious issues and leave those of lesser importance for another time.
6. Remove any extraneous issues; stick to the original topic. When discussing a serious issue, refrain from going off on tangents. It’s easy to become distracted by related issues but only takes precious resources away from the primary one.
7. Refrain from any inflammatory or accusatory statements. Quickly diffuse any that may occur. Accusations, blame, assumptions, and exaggerations can all incite. There are those who will deliberately try to provoke the other into losing control. Be aware of the intent and nature of every comment and quickly diffuse anything that can escalate to something more serious. Don’t ever take the bait.
8. Listen objectively with the intent to understand the other person, to gain deeper insight into the nature of the conflict, and to extract any possible solutions or partial solutions offered by the other party.
9. Be willing to compromise, recognizing that each side believes their position is valid and correct.
10. Show appreciation for the time and effort the other side has put forth. A little appreciation goes a long way and can enable both sides to reach a peaceful resolution more efficiently and quickly.

With true concern for the well-being of each other and a sincere desire to resolve the issue peacefully, anyone can find a reasonable solution to any challenge by following the above Ten Tips. It can be challenging but with practice and determination and a sincere regard for justice, one can realize the path to coexisting harmoniously with others. And we certainly are all deserving of that.

Let me reiterate: “The amount of cooperation you receive from the other party is in direct proportion to the amount of respect you afford them.” Be generous.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Listen to past shows on iHeart Radio @ http://ow.ly/OADTf
Listen to my newest iHeart Radio show, BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, @ http://ow.ly/OADJK
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